Forgotten agreements and hidden agendas

I wrote a letter today. Its unlikely I will ever send it. I may decide to burn it. Maybe it will forever remain in my desk drawer, in it's ceremonial envelope.
I broke long ago made commitments, and rescinded forgotten permissions. 

As method of survival, acceptance, and the singular need of a new to the world young being for stability, safety, and the love and support of family and society, we make agreements. Both spoken and unspoken, and often at the cost of our own innate gifts, values, longings, about how we will live, love, shine, rise, trust ...the degree to which we will and will not need and want. Usually its about, not TOO much. 

We agree not to shine too bright or be bigger than parents who have never shone at all. Not to be artists, adventurers, or receivers of love.
Not to rise above the level that those around us did or did not. Not to deviate from the model of romantic partnerships, success, and personhood. To live by a set of values not necessarily our own, so as to to ensure acceptance and a continued place at the table.

We agree and then we forget.

We give permissions for how we will be seen and treated, first to those closest, and then carry that modeling into our adult lives. We forget about them and go on with our lives, but the trajectory -and the degree of our actual LIVE-ing, is often in direct relationship to these hidden commitments. Intentions set at age 2, 10, 17, set the stage for what does and does not enter our lives. They cement the bricks firmly in place for the "inexplicable" blocks we come up against again and again as adults, unable to figure out why we cant just finally get on with it. 

If we want different, we sometimes have to revisit, and do a manual re write.

It is our right to rescind those agreements, made under the duress of our small selves doing what we had to, to ensure what felt like survival.

  • Where are there old sticky energetic threads, still holding you in agreements that don't serve?

  • Who in your young life did you decide it was your responsibility to protect by not being or having, more, or different?


Don't censor yourself, write whatever comes, even if it doesn't make sense. I invite you to ask;

  • What agreements, both spoken and unspoken did I make long ago, and with whom?

  • The current life situation I'm in, or unmet need I'm struggling with, is about keeping my agreement not to _____________

  • Whom or what part of myself am I keeping safe by doing so?

  • That agreement (s) is affecting me by _______

  • What permissions did I give that have shaped my life today?

  • What would I have to give up if I broke the agreement (s) or rescinded the permission?

  • And, what might be gained by doing so?

When you are done, consider completing or renegotiating at least one agreement or permission that does not serve, by writing a letter. It need never be sent, but a physical statement, kind or angry, whatever it needs to be, letting that person (s) or situation know that you are moving on. That you take back the permissions you gave, and are making a new agreement, one that gives you your freedom and inalienable rights.

Burn it. Send it. Toss it out the window and let it be carried away by the wind ...